


Bolide

by didsomeonesayventus



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Amputation, Angst, M/M, POV Second Person, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 23:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13600668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didsomeonesayventus/pseuds/didsomeonesayventus
Summary: Being broken was your birthright.





	Bolide

It’s at this point in time you wonder if you were destined to be broken. 

You can still... feel it. A yearning to be whole and complete and everything you were meant to be. and now it’s never going to happen. You were always the one lagging behind, the broken boy with no purpose, and now the idea of that being your crown to bear for the rest of your life sinks in like your head going under quicksand.

The pillow is too soft. Their words are too soft. Everyone gives you a wide berth like you’ll fall apart at a breath.

It was just. A damn. Arm.

It never feels reassuring to say that. No matter what attempt it is to minimize the loss, you glance left and see everything comes to a stop at your elbow. It’s a struggle to remember anything clearer than a hazy dream of violent red, and perhaps you don’t want to remember. The screaming, the shock, the betrayal because he just wanted Terra back he didn’t want to kill his only chance at Terra coming back-

Everyone’s smiles are empty. They don’t reach their eyes. Neither does yours if it ever bothers to surface. Your face in the mirror looks like a ghost. You want to say it was just an arm but you know it feels like so much more than that. Aqua’s voice is a choked soft as she ruffles your hair and Terra looks the every breath is out to kill him as he hovers near her. All you want to do is roll over and sleep.

“Hey, sunshine.”

The voice is from the door. You know it, and now it feels like you were disemboweled too as Riku sits at your bedside. He’s perfect, beautiful, radiant and far more deserving of the title he gave you. He takes your hands and- your thoughts seize up. Hand. Not hands. Never again. His thumb rolls over the back of your hand without a problem, but it’s hesitant even in the softest brush. He leans his head against yours with a soft kiss.

He hates you. He’s saddled himself with a useless, crippled boyfriend and he will never, ever cut you off but will keep you along out of pity because who else is gonna love this freak of nature? He’s wonderful and horrible and great and terrible so suddenly. You’re thankful and yet the feel of his fingertips against your skin burns. His other hand starts playing with your hair, smoothing it over.

And you cry. The dam bursts. You bawl. You're ugly and incomplete and broken and garbage and have always been, but now there’s no sweet word or kiss or touch that can cover up the stench of it. You’re scarred and left behind, and this is your natural place in things, not standing arm in arm beside a paragon, a champion of light and justice and everything that is wonderful. You’re nothing next to him, and it is merciful he’s even bothering to be here.

He brushes the tears off of your cheeks. There’s nothing but your ugly sobs in the quiet, hanging in the air as disgraceful clouds. He only wipes each tear away, silent if only because what else is there to say? There is no “it will be alright” that can chase something like this away. Nothing that can get you your arm back, right yourself on your feet when you walk and so very suddenly miss the pound or two on one side.

You can still feel it. Your hand, so desperate to feel Riku’s. To bend your arm at the elbow and rest your hand on top of his like everything really is going to be okay. It’s a phantom, an empty promise, your favorite gesture never to be repeated again.

“I still love you.” His voice is dry. Stoic, yes, but it preserves you. It is a rock in your pool of tears. It doesn’t sound callous, it sounds stable. He’s extending himself, reaching for you, whatever damn piece of cheap glass he confused for a diamond is in your heart, looking for you in the wreckage and looking for something to save. You wish he would let you drown.

You feel his lips against the only knuckles you own, “I promise, Ven. I love you. This doesn’t change anything.”

You try and smile and all that comes out is a poisonous laugh. It’s not just hideous from tone, but disgusting with all the snot and tears and ugliness leaking out of you.

“I’m serious.”

Seriously considering leaving you. It’s alright. You were always just a kid thirteen steps behind everyone else.

“Ven, sunshine, can you look at me?”

You see him in the corners of your eyes, scared to face him head on like this. One look and you’re going to fall apart, burst into flames like a mortal before a god. You’re not worthy of him anymore-

He gently pulls your chin around and the tears build up again until all you see is his light figure dancing in the blurs of color. You want to hug him. You want to hold him in your arms and hide from the world. It’s not the same. It will never be the same.

“I love you, so much.” He says the sweetest lie again as he puts your hand on his cheek.

“I love you, too, starlight.” You force through your teeth, still trying to smile. It’s the only thing keeping him here, you’re certain of that. You love him, but, as you’ve learned so many times, the world is painful. It’s about time you accepted it. Being broken was your birthright. He will leave you behind to stumble after, still so blindly in love with him as much as he falls out of it with you. That was how this worked, you decide.

The tears fall off and reveal that his face is tight. You can see him struggling not to break down himself, the wince in his flawless aquamarine eyes, the way he sets his jaw that could cut through mountains, the way he doesn’t bother to brush the starlit bangs from his face. You can feel it in the way he leans against your open palm to seek solace.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters as he finally turns his face into your hand. The rest is unspoken, the wordless guilt of a shield that did not protect.

“Don’t be.” You finally lean forward, shaky from your only grip placed upon his face, but it will have to be enough, “Riku, please-”

“I wasn’t there.” He murmured. There’s a fissure in his voice, it’s almost split in two.

You’re silent if only because what else is there to say?

He holds you, and you can hold him back, but it will never be the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I need to write more RikuVen  
>  _(spongebob narrator voice) literally months later_  
>  Me: Hey what if Ven lost an arm and got majorly fucked up about it(tm).
> 
> also 2nd person has literally no purposeful significance i didn't plan this out lmao the ideas just came to me as a 2nd person thing but honestly it has a really nice detached air it's not entirely first but its also not entirely third (OBVIOUSLY U DUMB) it's got that real nice dissociative sweet spot??? so yay subconscious comin' thru 4 me
> 
> ALSO I hope this is obvious but (sips tea) unreliable narrator ~~(is this even a narrator?? whatever)~~ applies my dude because Ven's confidence is a wreck ha ha.


End file.
